Femality

; A regular and persistent occurence developed by the female sex.
The way in which a female (singularly, or as a whole) affects often, and with persistent regularity, the life and/or actions of a male/partner which generally applies to the development of feelings for and/or between the two parties in question.
E.g:- "the femality of Lauren in my mind is alarming".

Indeed I think I may have made this up. Either that or I have completely butchered its original meaning as a word - the latter being the more likely. I like it though, it simply relates a necessary fact, female activity appears often and with alarming effect in my life. The femality of certain individuals affects many departments in my life; friendship, work, the varying grey areas that are linked between these and so on.
I recently watched Simon Amstell performing a worldwide acclaimed stand-up act, I've seen it before but this time around there were many themes that intrigued me. One particular theme played throughout the act was that of 'fear and love'. Amstell brings it to the jury of a stand-up audience that life is plagued by the opposing forces of 'fear and love'; the love and adoration we may feel for another, counteracted by the fear of even contemplating talking to them, or even the suggestion that said person may or may not feel similarly back.
I figure most of my life has been led by fear. Fear of the unknown, fear of rejection, fear of the truth. I don't like this fact and I don't quite understand it as of yet, but I now acknowledge it, which is atleast a step in the right direction.
Of course this also suggests quite rightly, that love has played a major part in my life also. I've been in love and ruined it, I've been loved and ruined it, I've adored and never shed light on it, I've openly adored and had it dismissed. I suppose the general theme there is that of ends. Alot of people seem to get stuck on that fact, everything ends. The problem with that is, we don't know what ends until after, what about the things we are currently involved in? We can't necessarily ever know when something is going to end, we can only know when it began, and celebrate every present day. Most people have friends. Some of those friends we like, adore, love, and I am no stranger to this. But as the La Dispute song goes, 'if I can't love you as a lover, I will love you as a friend'. Goodnight.