The, One?

It may be noted that the single most attractive thing in existence to me was, and still is, a certain female on new year's eve/day '06/07 in a gold sequin and royal blue number, with her hair dyed a deep brown in contrast to her usual bright natural blonde; I do, infact, prefer her as a blonde, but this night, this imagery, forever haunts me as the one i forced away. Such ludicrous idiocy hasn't been seen since the english elected margaret thatcher as prime minister. I will never see a smile on her face again without the sad aftertones following through her eyes, such beautiful eyes. Well god damn, I did mess that up. It was all my fault, and no one would question that, and certainly I am not dissillusioned by my inept younger douchebaggery, but I know she is all I ever want, no more, no less, just her sweet caress. Wow, what a douchebag. I mean, what is a guy to do? Even if she did look at me, at all, maybe a facebook stalk every once a month, I can't live upto her expectations. Now she is more humble and wonderful than ever, I'm more harrowed, she listens to female singer/songwriters, I listen to Every Time I Die, she looks fantastic, I look like what she wipes her feet on before stepping through a portal. I'm done for. She is beauty incarnate, a living goddess, her body is divine, her personality, sublime, I simply cannott exist near her, I don't ever deserve that nurture, anymore. Done for, I need a release, but that's what makes me look like more of a douchebag, than being at peace; the only way I might possibly come into her path, once again. I'd give up everything, alcohol, food after 9pm, any acknowledgement of tge opposite sex ever again, even meat. And I EAT THE FUCK out of meat. Aldi hoi sin duck wraps are my cardinal sin, and lipton peach ice tea washes it down nicely. I'd ditch 'em both, right now. All of it. Been this way for 5 years now, and still maintaining a high level of being a douchebag. Fuck.